123: Ray Stevens, 'Jeremiah Peabody's (...) Pills'

I ain’t no hyprachondriact, but I was up all night with acrobatic kishkes. Nonetheless, The Public is a voracious beast that needs to be fed, so here comes the universal cure: Ray Stevens’ ‘Jeremiah Peabody’s Polyunsaturated Quick-Dissolvin’ Fast-Acting Pleasant-Tasting Green and Purple Pills’.

Ray (b. 1939) has had a long and illustrious career as a novelty singer, a serious singer, as a studio musician and as producer; but for me he’ll always be about this ditty and ‘Ahab the Arab’ and ‘Santa Claus is Watching You’. When I was in the eighth grade, I thought this was really funny. You know, it’s not too bad now.

In case you were wondering, the tune was Ray’s first Top 100 hit, peaking at #35 in September, 1961. It was the second longest title to ever crack the Billboard chart.

We’ll be back with our long, boring, erudite fare soon. But right now, that’s all this week, folks. I’m going back to bed.

Do you have that run-down feelin’? Does your head go reelin’?
Are you nervous, jumpy, or on the edge?
Is it neuritis, neuralgia, or head cold distress,
Or maybe it’s your sinus drainage.

Do you have tired blood, beriberi?
Or maybe you’re a little overweight?
You better make some correction in all this infection,
Just send in one dollar ninety eight.

Get rid of that runny nose, that nagging cough,
That sneeze, that wheeze, and other injuries.
Take the wonder drug that cures all your ills!
Take Jeremiah Peabody’s polyunsaturated
Quick-dissolvin’ fast-actin’
Pleasant-tastin’ green and purple pills!
Oh yeah.

Well, it won’t upset your stomach, it’s good for all that ails ya,
It soothes all your aches and pains.
Get rid of those hammers in your head, don’t be a hyprachondriact,
Start feelin’ better again.

Clear up that fungus amongus
It’s good for every ailment, including water on the knee.
And it’s guaranteed to be just what you need
For quick, fast, speedy relief.
Get rid of that runny nose, that nagging cough,
That sneeze, that wheeze, and other injuries.
Take the wonder drug that cures all your ills!
Take Jeremiah Peabody’s polyunsaturated
Quick-dissolvin’ fast-actin’
Pleasant-tastin’ green and purple pills!
Oh yeah.
Little green and purple pills.
Oh yeah.
Little green and purple pills.